PurposeCity
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Episode · 1 month ago

09: ‘Life Ain’t Always Beautiful’

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

‘Life Ain’t Always Beautiful’ is an episode with an open and frank discussion on life’s darker times and how to cope, as well as being aware of those hurting around us.

The episode guest is Jackie Paige, anchor of CBS 62’s Eye in Detroit & midday anchor on WWJ News radio 950.

September is National Suicide Prevention Month.

PurposeCity is presented by Executive Wealth Management and exemplifies our core values of trust, community, and compassion.

PurposeCity can be found at ewmadvisors.com and all major podcast platforms.

Welcome to purpose city stories ofhumanity in action sponsored by executive wealth management. Yes, TomPurpose city do not necessarily reflect an endorsement of executive wealthmanagement. Jackie, please tell me this is not true that people go to restaurants, theyorder their meals they're talking to whoever they're with and their families,and they spot. Somebody like you, somebody they recognize on TV. Theyknow their voice and they're like Oh, that's, Jackie page, and I wonder whatshe's wonder: She's eating and they're looking at your plate and thenwondering you know if you have seconds or how much you ate of your potatoes,then then they go home. Take the time tolook up your contact information find an email or whatever it isfacebook and send you a message pro or con about how you chose and what you chose to eatthat doesn't really happen in our world. Does it well? That's really funny that you saythat because that actually that did happen to me one time yeah when I was aworking, you must have looked that out, but yes, they did, you must eat so muchfood was the. was the email that I received yeah at work? We so so that'sa living under a microscope right I mean we judge ourselves, sometimeswe're pretty proud of ourselves, but most often and not, we see the flaws inourselves. I see myself in a monitor right now andI have reading glasses on, which is great, so I can't really see what Ilook like and that's all the better, because that would distract me thinkingof had my hair lines receding- and you know all these kinds of things that gothrough my head and but to add that to yourself, so a mirrorcan be your, you know, worst enemy and when no one else may ve be thinkingthese things. But you live in a pretty harsh industry for for appearance andthings like that and then to go out and even have that happen. One time has to compound, in your sake of of those things right it magnifies it.How did that affect you and kind of? What's your story before, where you'reat now on how that that made, you feel in the media spotlight. Well, so I've lost a hundred and fortypounds I used to be. You know I used to weigh a lot andoriginally- and I was on thank you very much and I was on TV for and have beenon TV now for almost thirty years and during that period of time you know this was subsequently it was.You know it was. It was just a culmination of things. I've alwaysstruggled with my weight, but after I had my second trial in particular, Icould not lose get down to even a size. Twelve or ten was just impossible and- and I had thyroid issues, I do havetiroit issues. My Hashi motos disease and work through enemy ultimately ended uphaving some weight lost surgery right and that helped me lose about sixty pounds and I got and became anavid fitness freak, which is what I am now and I've lost. You know the thefurther seventy, so you know I've lost and I'm addicted to fitness. I love itand I'm very healthy, but yes, the impact, the social impact of my job andthe criticism and the Alwa the fearfulness of losing the job as aresult of not qualifying for the appearance contract that we all have orhad had. I think those are gone now, but...

...yeah that was tough. That was reallytough on me emotionally emotionally right. What is I mean at that time? That's a bigdecision to have that kind of surgery, life changing and yeah. I mean that'seighty. Eighty percent of your stomach is that right, correct yep, yeah as Rick SleeveSurgery is what I had yeah and they there are several different weight lostsurgeries out there I had the one where they take. They take out eighty percent of yourstomach and they just get rid of it and it's basically, I needed to either you know. I was at a point where I feltlike my life was over and I might want to end my life right to the point ofstarting over, which is what I did so so you're an advocate not only forfitness and health, but mental wellness as well that correct yeah, the son e.So during that time, that all goes together. It's all intertwined right.So if you're not feeling good about yourself or if physically you're, notwhere you want to be affects your mental state and I'm not an expert, Idon't know how much you are, but just like. What's the difference betweendepression versus just feeling depressed, becausewe all don't feel good about ourselves at times or we all have an event, maybeI've had events in my life, where I know my emotions went darker thannormal, but it took time and I'm out of it. So then, maybe that's not a mental condition,that's a normal state of life, but then I don't know if that's normal or justnormal for me right. Well, I think that first of all,I think that everybody has their stuff right. I think we all have ourchallenges in life and we have adversity. Some people areextraordinarily blessed and have very few incidents in their live right,which my you know. I had the memory of losing my sister at a very young age.She was two and a half. I was five. She drowned in a really bizarre accidentand I was with her at the time and I think that that became sort of aprecursor for me to you know, feel to be depressed and to deal with. You know those those kinds of issues,and I wasn't the only one in my family that I think suffered the consequencesof that that death and, as a result, you know I have through periods in my life. Youknow sought counseling, you know at certain times of my life, Ithink I'd taken medication. I did take medication, which I no longer do and that but clinical deprive wasclinically depressed for many years and- and you know I had two brothers whoalso suffered from that, and they are no longer here. One actually did commitsuicide and the other one died as a result of drug addiction, and so I think it is certainly familiarprobably hereditary, but also, I think, certain certain lifeexperiences can lead you in that direction. So I think I went to food which have made it worse. You knowthere is real. Oh I'm sorry is there a line? Do you think you're talking abouta terrible tragedy? It's an what what was your sister's name? Her name was Katy, so Katy's incidentwhere's a dividing line between grief in depression, or is there or does onelead to the other because, like you mentioned hereditary, but then you'vehad these things at any normal human being would feel depressed over andgrieve over right well, and I think that I think ifyou don't grieve properly, I think that...

...that deeds to depression right so, ifyou're not allowed to grieve. You know in terms of the way that, however, that manifestsitself when you're five years old. I don't I'm not really sure, but I thinkthat the it wasn't so much that that she died. It was the it was the shedied, but I think it was also the reaction that that what I saw myparents going through as a result of that and sort of what it the turmoil.That sort of you know the evolution of turmoil,perhaps for not being able to perhaps deal with that properly with somemembers of my family, so it- and I think that you know- I think the loss or some typeof incident that happens. I think it's it's absolutely true that people canbecome depressed. I mean, I think, there's what five stages of grief and Ithink, if you don't process those stages properly, that can lead todepression right with your brothers more well past childhood. More recently is that right, Yeah Yep! Yes, my my myoldest brother, there were. There were six of us, kidsand my oldest brother John. He committed suicide in two thousand and seventeen well veryrecent, and yes- and that was yours- you know, but he had years and yearsstruggled with addiction for years and years and years and and you know and again was he selfmedicating probably and it it's just it's. Youknow something that I've become very a huge advocate of, and you know wouldlike to do more, and everybody says: Oh, we need to bring it out in the open. Wehave to have conversations and but you know really what what other kind, whatactions can be done to to improve people who really suffer from this? This overwhelming feeling of anxietydand feeling that you don't matter or thatyou're not good enough, isn't that the difference between really depression is a mental state, somethingto be treated versus feeling low is self worth. Yes, isn't. That kind of I mean that'svery simplistic, I'm sure if a doctor had me say that, but but basically it's a feeling of selfworth that you cover or it's just a constant myer. I guess that you don't see an endto right, and you know I mean if I can behonest with you, I you know I got a lot have. As I told you I nolonger I'm on any mind, I don't take any medication for depression. I don't.I do use fitness, but I also have a very strong faith and, and people all. Oh, that's just youknow, that's just gobble by book, whatever it's actually not, and for meit's not. I think that I think when you, when you know that is as hard as yourwife is or can be, and you look to the fact that it can be worse because asmuch of as much sorrow that I've had in my family, I look around me and thereare people who are dealing with things that are far worse than I've ever had,and I think that the allowance for gratitude and humility brings you a great deal of happiness.Absolutely and it. You know this isn't an answer for whythere's a darkness in the world per se, but if some of us didn't suffer thingsbeyond what normal people do or just grieve in terrible ways and then getpast it or learn to cope, who would be helping others? You knowyou have the empathy and the compassion...

...and the understanding to help so manypeople and be an advocate for areas that is more than just putting a TV radio name, fason right. It means something to you and Ithink those are the most important and probably powerful advocates. So I mean that's how I view my life alittle bit, as you know a little simplify, but I can do a lotmore and have more compassion for people, because if you know what painfeels like I agree, I agree and I think actuallyyou know you talked about what's happening in today's society and andyou know we are just such a divided culture right now and- and I have notpeople say well, you know we've been like this is a country before I don'tknow if we have, it certainly hasn't been. This way in my lifetime, but I dofeel that a lot of people who have I shouldn't, maybe S- I shouldn't, saya lot of people. I should say that many that I've come to know who've had verylittle tragedy as we, you know or whoop, had who have a lot to be grateful for look at. You know they turned to politics andthey to be their sort of anger and to be there where they, you know, when youdon't have anything at home to worry about and you're one of these peoplethat wants. You know you one of these people that maybe doesn't have focusedor that doesn't or is depressed or is defined by your emotions, or has thathereditary thing that I was talking about earlier that you look to thesituation, that's happening in the world right now, and you sort of Glamon to that right and it's unfortunate yeah or you're looking at otherpeople's plates at restaurants. If you don't have enough going on in your ownlife, I mean what you love to have so littlegoing on in your life that that's something that takes up takes up yourtime. Well, isn't it funny? I mean I neverthought about it like that. I was you know at that time. I think I was someek. I was like. Oh my Gosh, you know a kid. I really need to be carefulabout what I eat. When I go up e e, what you want for sure? No! I do yeah yeah, who cares so for people. I think for one thing:If people haven't been touched by such serious issues, as I mean we've bothhad down times but severe depression in their families, drug addictions suicides. I can kind of seem enough.You know if that's the night, liner, two thousand and twenty show for thenight. They might skip it and watch it. You know something happier later, butthe fact is. We should all take pause and look atthe people around us. Isn't that right, because when things do happen, it's too late and then you're askingthe questions you know were their signs, so I think we all have a responsibilityjust to not be you know, debby downers, but to look atour level ones, aroundo, US and just make sure they're. Okay Yeah. I agree. I think that one of our you know you knowsort of being our brother's keeper. I think that it's so important. I knowyou know my mother in law, someone who who has said before that she doesn't.You know she doesn't need anyone, and I think that in she met that in a verypositive way. I D N. I don't need anyone, I'm very self secure, but Ifeel that I think we all need people from and that that it is a it's imperative that we recognize thatand when we don't reach out to people actively and we expect people toactively reach out to us. I think that that's ego and sometimesego, gets in the way and allows depression to set in you know whenyou've got that the the voice. In your...

...mind, that say nobody cares about you.NOBODY LOVES YOU! Nobody wants to talk to you. I think that's well. First ofall, I think that's evil, but I also pick it you know not like and I'm nottalking like a spirit or whatever, but I do think that it is. You know we allhave this person inside of us. That wants us to do well. I think we alsohave a person inside of us that maybe doesn't want us to do well, and I thinkyou have to give the one the voice inside of you, that watch in Edo well amuch larger space yeah and I found in the Times. If I thinkthe first episode you can, if you can identify yourself, loathing that I'mfeeling sorry for myself or I'm focused too much on myself, no matter how lowyour or whatever your life circumstances, it could be totallyunfair and and harsh and all these things. But I found the hardest thing to do.But the best thing to do is if even in those states you're looking towards other people, and how could Iuse what little I know how to do or what so forth. I know I haven't helpedsomebody else with it and that really begins to turn your mental state aroundand to open up and there's always somebody that cares about us, even if we don't feel like it and ifyou allow people to care for you and begin to look at others. Those are like,maybe two simplistic things, but they can at least start steering in theright direction and any tips on or any thoughts from experience or youradvocacy on just whether it's depression or if it's a substance,abuse or maybe someone not everyone's, voicing that they're having a end oflife, thoughts and things, but maybe just little signs or things. You couldsee whether you have teenagers or you have someone in your family that lost ajob and you assume they're handling or they say, they're handling it. Okay andthey may not be because what I've from what I've read.It seems like the highest rate of death by suicide, comes from white or Caucasian middle aged men overfinances. Right, something is hit, them they'velost a job, but they lost a job and there isn't the padding there thereisn't they not go be to pay their more gebel together, because I and they'rejust so overwhelmed and when they don't see a financial way out. You know you think it's some kind ofinner city misery. But when you look at the stats,it's not it's suburbia right. It's your people next door, yeah well and as you as someone who'sin wealth management. You understand that you know this society. Many of uslive beyond our means and I think when a man wants to provide for his wife andhis kids and he wants to give them everything- and it has has hard timesaying no, because he feels like he's less of a man, and you know in societyright now. I think it's you know. Things are changing.Fortunately, in that aspect that people are starting to see, you know, okay,this stuff does not is not important, but I think it's hard for men and Ithink for men that are at least my age war, didn't it weren't told they couldexpress their feelings and felt that that they're inadequate, if they're notdoing those things that you said so they didn't tell anybody, and Iactually you know my husband- he works in your industry as well and he knows several men who have who haveunfortunately done that and it's very scary yeah, it's very scary.So I try to I try not to put all that pressure on my husband to get on me allthose wonderful man, but yeah. It's a very real. You know.Financial issues for men are very that that's it and they there. I would encourage them. If youcan't talk to your wife about feeling...

...you know overwhelmed and that you'renot going to be able to manage it and that she's going to have to get a job,then I would seek counseling to maybe or marriage counseling and tell yourwife. You know. Maybe we should go talk to someone just about some things, I'mfeeling rather than say you know it's notmarriage trouble, but so that he can at least have some sort of safe avenue orsafe. Maybe calling a safe space, a true save space to actually expose his feelings to hiswife, maybe for the first time, maybe to have somebody there to sort of holdhis hand. I mean, because I do think that men feel emasculated somtimes ifthey're. If they're open, I mean don't you yeah for sure M Yeah Yeah and youknow you don't want to admit failures, you don't want to admit weakness andyou're. Looking at the social media world where it seems like everyone'slife is perfect, you know they have. They don't have one bad angle on theirface or their body or whatever and they're on the best vacations all thetime, and we know that it's not reality, but then we look at our day to day andthen, especially if you slip and fall in a pit for a while and then that'syour constant feed is everyone so great and I'm worthless. You get back to they to the worst of this thing. So that's one thing I really appreciate about youand is you know you live? You were kind of in a one say news as Glam, but you know it'sentertainment right and it's informative. You have expectations of,looks and things you live in that universe, kind of a work, facebook, world socialmedia, world sort of, but you're very open that you have a real life realhurt like everybody else. It so you're showing the side that we don't show onsocial media, sometimes that we're not posting and and that helps people and I'd like to give. Well, I'm sorrygo ahead. I'd like to have props your husband, you mentioned him. ObviouslyI've done a little homework, but I've seen where you've stated that, as far as your insecurities of your former weight issues and things ishe never, it never came from him or from family. Never! Never! I can't eventell you you know. I talk about my faith and I actually kind of Ma. I getteared up a little bit. I don't know what I did to earn the man that I'mmarried to right now, but or what I did it, because if he wasn't in my life I would not behere and he and I God does put people in your life and they are there to helpyou and again I just you know I don't I don't I I just have to give God the credit, andI just as I said I wouldn't be here- is just an amazing, incredible human beingand it's you know, I'm blessed very good and unless you can think of somethingbetter I'd like to end this conversation just on. If, if it's somebody listening asthemselves or somebody, they know that seems to be struggling, that peoplejust talk just be open of how you're feeling and if you feel like you can'tdo it to somebody. That's close to you or you don't have someone there'sthere's so many people to talk to or to Co, and I don't know, do you haveany specific organizations along those lines? It's not. I can put them it justin the program notes. I don't really that's the funny thing. We talk aboutthis. How we, you know we really other than you know: suicide. Preventinpeople aren't going to call that they should but they're not going to. Iwould say honestly, I would reach out to maybe your maybe your pastor at yourchurch. Maybe you know that might be a first step. You know go to a go volunteer, maybe atit's something that is important to you...

...were you know a hospital or somethinglike that where you feel that you can or or homeless shelter, or you feelthat you can be a part of something and do good for others. I often find thatstarting out healing on your own is when you startshowing up for others, then you can start taking care of yourself too yeah,and I think, when you're giving to others in your own hurt time, you feel like you did something forsomebody in your building up your own self worth yeah. Isn't that right, a hundredpercent yeah yeah all right! Thank you. Jacking! Thank you very much sure, and the purpose ity podcast stores ahumanity action is presented by executive wealth management and itexemplifies our core values of trust, community and compassion. We are in a period of time of intensein continuous change. People who want to build wealth need to know that aninvestment philosophy and process is critical to any long term investmentstrategy, so clients when they're, looking at their portfolios and they're,seeing the markets move in a very negative fashion or even in a positivefashion, and we want to make sure that we're taking advantage of what themarket of doing so we're, building we're defending and were advancing thatstrategy through compassionate growth. We build defend in advance. That is the founding principle of ourinvestment philosophy, clients, knowing that they can be up at one level ofrisk and very gradually reduced. Tasted on a non emotional analysis ismathematically driving. It is based on a system that is built for a very largecommunity. Our team is built up with not just a couple advisers with theirassistance like you'll see in a lot of offices. We have our investment teamhere in Investment Policy Committee. We have our operations department. Here wehave our compliance department. Here we have a technology department here whichallows our advisors to have more direct access which allows them to not have tojump through as many hoops when that just leads to a more efficient clintexperience. I wanted to be part of a company that had and fostered that teamwork that had regular meetings like the case studies, the collaboration, thepractice management- I saw a ton of value in that being part of a team iscrucial for me. I came from almost twenty years in the banking channel.Thinking about why I came here was specifically to do with the way thatthey treat the employees as family. We have a great culture here. That's oneof the things I really take pride in. It is about chemistry. You need peopleto want to be here. The fact that we're treated so well allows me to focus andother things for our clients and how I can help them, and what I really foundspecial about this place was that the emphasis on building relationships- andthat is something that I've carried into my practice as an advisor. I wantto build that plan and then obviously allow us to defend it. But ultimatelyis that peace of mind that we're in helpin advance going forward, I'm thepartner to the investor. With inside the firm, I really enjoy answeringclients, questions a lot of our clients like to read thoroughly through ourdisclosure documents, and they have a lot of excellent questions and part ofmy job is to ensure that the client is informed and has access to thatinformation. So, if there's ever a time where a client has a question and ifthey just want to give me a call, they are always welcome to do that. Wecommunicate with our clients. We are following up with clients when they askquestions, we want to make sure we're proactive and doing that, and that'spart of our strategy of building and defending an advancing or ourrelationship. I've been working for executive wealth management for overten years. I love the people that I work with with great clients, ourclients trust us. We care about our clients, building report folio and yourretirement, defending it when it needs...

...to be defended in difficult times andadvancing it when things turn build, defend, advance schedule, anappointment to day and meet with an executive wealth management adviser tolearn how we can build defend in advance. You Are Investment Future.

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